Why Yes, I Have Children

I was planning on doing a more entertaining post on funny things children say but I don't have any myself so I needed help from others in that respect.  I received too short of a list to make it it's own post so I will put down what I received so far:

1.  "While at Julia's concert today, Luke was begging me to go with him to find the "confession stand" "
2.  "At the zoo, my niece asked me why sometimes the kids have brown mommies when they're not"
3. "Brayden asked to see my cane and at age 4, said as he tried to use it 'I'm so old grandma' "


I do have two children of my own.  They just meow instead of talk.  When you think about it, pets are like having children, and many people decide NOT to have any kids since they already have pets and treat them as such.  For those fellow pet owners, you are probably shaking your heads in agreement.  For those without pets, I'll explain why pets are considered pets (with some specific examples I've experienced with my current two cats and from when our family had a dog).

1. They are living creatures.

•  Animals have their own needs that you have to be on top of.  They require to be fed, given water, a nice large queen-size bed to sleep on er.....a pet bed.  They also need to have playtime and acknowledged by you, their "parent"

2. They have additional needs besides food and shelter.

• Since it's just me living here, both my cats are constantly trying to get individualized attention from their mommy.  They will even "push" each other out of the way.  And by push I mean swatted at or chased away.  Millie, my dog, used to be the same way, except she was an only pet and there were 4 of us in my family so attention was not a problem.  Though she did have an issue with family members hugging each other and tried to join in....
• They also will miss you when you're not home.  My homecoming is usually me being met by two cats bounding down the hall to purr and rub against me.  Of course, that could also be because when I get home from work, they know they're getting their wetfood.

3. They get sick.

• Unfortunately, I have had plenty of experiences in this category.  But to generalize this: pets are living creatures and therefore are prone to bacteria/viral infections.  So they have to go to their doctor....and it isn't cheap in most instances.  
• Also, please spay/neuter your dog or cat.  It's the single most responsible thing you can do as a pet parent.  You wouldn't like your teenage daughter coming home pregnant or to find out you 14 year old son is a soon-to-be dad, the same should be true about your pet.  Plus, they typically have more than 1 pup/kitten at a time.  Remember that next time you're thinking your pet knows how to say no (because in most cases, they don't)

4. They like to bug you in the middle of the night.

• I don't think there has been a night since owning a pet that I've slept the entire night without having a cat pounce on me, tap my face to lift up the blanket for them to crawl under, a dog whining to go outside, a dog whining to be let into the bedroom, etc.

5. You have to clean up after them

• I'll leave the obvious explanation out.
• They also tend to knock things over.  I've had countless cups and the like knocked over by a cat (usually Sascode) filled with water for the past year.
• Dogs also have a strange fascination with the garbage

6. They get pissy

• It can be against each other or you.  Either way, you usually end up with scratch or bite marks on you. Oh those teenage years.

7. They misbehave

• I know I've had to shout at my two cats for fighting or injuring each other.  I know I'm not the only one.

8. Occasionally, you need to find a baby-sitter

• This may be because you're going out of town or because they need to be under watch due to a recent surgery and you have to work.  Either way, they can't be left alone for the amount of time you won't be home.

Musings From a Poor Educated Chick with Free Bread

I'm thinking about writing a book, and calling it the same as the title for this post.

The one thing I am able to do at work a lot is think, and think I do.  Lately, as you can probably guess, I've been thinking about what I'm going to do for work.  I haven't heard anything about my contract being extended so the current end date, as far as I know, is April 30th.  My third job ends mid-May which means that I will be down to one job soon and ironically, it's the one that pays the least.  I'm still playing roulette and will be sending in more applications for jobs in the upcoming week now that the big research project is *almost* out of the way and I have the smaller, but still kind of a big deal one left.

The next thing that I start to think about is money.  How the hell am I going to be able to afford things with the sudden drastic drop in income (even if I work full-time at my second job, I'm still only going to be bringing home about 40% of what I am now pretty soon).  I will have to get back into the coupon habit, which I let slip due to lack of time to do anything the past few months.  Epa still needs to get the second half of her procedure done, which a friend is urging me to get a second opinion before doing.  If I had the time and money for a second vet, I probably would do it without a second thought.

I may be looking for a roommate pretty soon since my apartment is a two bedroom.

My father told me last night that even if I'm still looking for a job in a few months to not get discouraged.  It's good advice, but it's also easier said than done.  Keep that in mind fellow rouletters.  I have also come to the decision that if I don't hear anything from anywhere by the dreaded April 30th mark, I'm going to do a Katie and work multiple jobs where my degree isn't of any use.  I'm thinking Kohls or Target because I could use an employee discount at either.  Or someplace where I deal with animals because people tend to become annoying.  Or get into a lab and (ha) put my undergrad degree to good use.


On a completely different note, I went grocery shopping today since I took off of work to get research done. Nothing special, but I did buy a ton of things in order to cook a bunch of meals for this week.  While walking out, there was a gentlemen in the cart area offering free samples.  Those free samples were packages of 6 Martin's potato rolls.  Did I buy dinner rolls already in the store?  No.  Did I need diner rolls? No. Did I take the two packages he offered me?  Oh hell yes.  So, this week while I continue to work deep in thought, I can munch on a potato roll.

Updates From the !~Dining Room1` Table

The random characters in the title are the result of my still drugged up cat rolling around on my keyboard as I was typing.  I decided to keep them in as a reminder

Update 1 - The Cat
For those who are interested: surgery one of two for this cat came to about $1060.  Surgery two's estimate comes in at $800, but her mouth (and my wallet!) have to heal first before we even think about that one.

Update 2 - Research
One of the two major research projects I have to finish this month is really close to being done (as long as there are no surprises lurking between the pages).  Therefore, I have started focusing on the second one more to blow through this upcoming week.

Update 3 - Work
I think since the beginning of March I have taken almost two full weeks off from work in order to get major project number 1 completed (and it was worth it though that means I'm taking a big hit in income as a result).

However, since I have no idea when my job is actually going to end (I hate this), I'm making the assumption that I will be out of the job beginning May 1st and am starting to really push to find a new job, between working on the two research projects that is.  So, any good thoughts from everyone would be greatly appreciated!

Update 4 - Loans
So, I did a tally of my loans.  Remember how I gave an estimate of $80,000?  Well, officially, I'm at:

$17,538.35 undergrad

$69,264.44 grad

= $86,802.79 total


Yep, I owe enough that it could buy itself a nice little house in the suburbs.

My personal goal, it to be under $17,000 for the undergrad loan by June 1st, which won't actually be a problem because my kwikpay (yes I signed up for that bad boy) withdraws $217 every month so I just have to throw in another $100 or so on my own.  Overall, I would like to be under $86,000 total at the same time which means I'll probably have to throw in at least $1,000 towards my grad loan to 1) null the interest and 2) actually bring the total down or, I could pay the interest on the grad loan and put the rest towards the undergrad loan to drop the overall total. Future interest-wise though, it's smarter to put the money towards the grad loan. So essentially I'll have to pay probably about $1,600 when accounting for interest to drop the overall total below $86,000.  Now I'm ready to cry so on to......

Update 5 - New guy!
In the middle of this craziness, I started dating a new guy.  The only thing I'll say about him on here is that he's the reptile guy who wrote the guest post last month.


And in terms of The Amazing Loan Race: new month, new start.

Will be back soon!

Hello readers!  Unfortunately, I have been really busy and therefore have not been able to write anything new.  But, while I have a few minutes, I'll let you know of the results of month #1 of the Amazing Loan Race.  Unfortunately, I had $3000 in unexpected expenses this month and therefore could only put $100 towards my loan this month.  Katie, was able to put over $900 this month towards her loan and therefore has won this month (I'll be the one to state this result since she's been sick this week and really hasn't blogged as a result).

So to give you an update about what's going on this month: I'm hopefully not going to have a lot of unexpected expenses this month (outside of Epa's procedure coming up next week) which I already kind of accounted for when making a low payment in for March.

In the meantime, I am also trying to finish two research projects I'm doing (outside of work that is) which both need to be done by late April so that adds a little stress.....Okay more than a little.

Also, my main job's contract is due to end April 30th.  What does that mean?  Well, there's a chance that it may be extended through June 30th but that's it.  If it doesn't get extended, that essentially means that I will lose the majority of my income by not having the job.  Therefore, to add to the stress already, I have to find a new job, preferably in Atlanta because I had to decide whether to renew my lease or not (since it's up in 2 months) and decided to just renew it.  So if I get a job elsewhere and have to move, I have to notify the leasing office 60 days prior to moving AND get slapped with an extra fee equivalent to 2 months rent.  So fingers crossed that I get a job here!

Time to go to work!

Reptile Guy - Guest Post

Note: Since I have a lot on my plate to do the next week or so, I won't be able to post for a while.  In the meantime,  I have offered to a couple people to send guest posts.  One is below from a guy who works with reptiles.  Enjoy peeps!  (Oh yeah, I don't know how to make the background color stay blue when I copy text from an email because there's no "paste text only" option so if anyone can enlighten me on that I would appreciate it)

I'm a Reptile Guy. At least, that's what people call me. I travel with a car load of reptiles to schools, events, parties, etc. and "edutain" (that's educate and entertain, in case you were wondering) people with my scaly friends. I have come away with some very interesting stories and I'd like to share a few with you. As with any critter, these guys don't like being crammed in their boxes or cages all day, so they tend to scratch on them all day. Most are small, but some can be quite large, and make a lot of noise. So when I hear them bumping around in the back of my SUV, I pay very little attention. 

Well one day, while driving north on I-285, I heard the usual bumping and scratching I always do. So as usual I ignored it and kept driving. After a while, I felt something rub against the bottom of my left arm, I looked down and all I saw was my seat belt. "OK, no big deal," I thought, so I shook it out of my head and kept driving. Then I felt something against my leg. I was about to look down when I heard a glass *clink*. "Must be that empty Frappuccino bottle rolling around," I rationalized. 

As traffic began to speed up, I went to press down on the accelerator but was met with resistance. I thought, "Could it be the bottle wedged underneath?" As I looked down, my eyes locked with another set of eyes staring up at me from between my legs, about 6 inches from my, um, well...my crotch. It was Spot, a nearly 5 foot long monitor lizard, and might I add, a MEAT-EATER! Well after screaming quite loudly and swerving across at least 3 lanes of traffic, I finally calmed down and realized what happened. He must have forced the lid off his cage and crawled out. Since I was running late due to traffic, I decided to let him be. As long as I knew he was out, all would be fine. At least until he decided to crawl into my lap and play lap dog. Which was also fine, or so I thought. He decided to prop himself up and look out my side window. I thought nothing of it until I saw the car next to me swerve across 3 lanes of traffic. The driver, a middle aged soccer mom, was obviously screaming, while her young son had her iPhone and was taking pictures. OF ME! I still to this day hope to find those pics on Facebook! I can only imagine the captions..."The day that lizards learned to drive and mommy nearly killed us!"

Not all of my stories involve my critters getting loose in my car. Another time, a few months later, I was in a nice families house performing for a large group at a birthday party. I was showing off Sierra, an Arizona Mountain King Snake. She is normally very docile, but on this day it was quite cold, so she was anxious to find a warm place. And then she found my shirt sleeve. Before I could react, she had completely gone up my sleeve, crawled down the inside of my shirt and wrapped around my mid section. This brought about uproars of laughter from the kids and parents. I tried to get her out, but it became apparent that the only way to get her out was to unbutton my shirt. Well as I began to do so, a mother who was running late for the party arrived and walked in on everybody cheering, me unbuttoning my shirt, and pulling a snake from out of it. She too began cheering, exclaimed "This is just like my bachelorette party!", and began pulling money from her purse. I didn't know whether to die of laughter or embarrassment...but she did give me a nice tip!

Things That Annoy Me

Some updates before I forget: 
1. I've added a gadget on the side that will let you receive an email about any blog updates (ie new posts).  All you have to do is type in your email address, type in the right captcha (is that what it's called?) it gives you, and then click the confirmation link in the email it sends.  Figure people would appreciate that as opposed to checking every few days.  Plus, I have stopped posting every blog update on facebook for those who are my friends on there.
2. The Amazing Loan Race has begun, Katie and I have just not posted official start posts.  She might later this month but I will keep you updated at the end of the month on how we are doing.
3. Epa is doing much better (she was the cat I had to take to the vet a couple days ago)



Okay, so now on with the actual post.  I've made a list like this before and posted it online which was a huge hit for people (mainly those that know me).  So, I thought I would update that list a little (it's a few years old) and post it here.

Things That Annoy Epilogical (in no particular order)
1. People who are surprised by the fact that I'm sarcastic and bitter
2. People who ask me if I'm okay and when I respond yes, they then ask me what's wrong.
        What the heck people?  If you thought something was wrong why did you even bother asking if I was okay in the first place.  Just ask me "what's wrong" if my response to the first question is irrelevant.
3. People who can't park/refuse to park properly.
4. Strangers who stare as you drive by.
5. Microsoft
6. Christians who tell me I'm going to hell.
        Well, if heaven only accepts snobby stuck-up I'm-better-than-the-world people like you, I prefer hell.  It's more diverse
7. People who say "it makes you realize you could die at any moment"
        Wait, you just realized this?  Gee, I thought I could live for as long as I want despite any outside factors.
8. Men who ask if it's that time of the month when you yell at them.
9. Being followed when walking to my car (by someone looking for a parking spot).
10. Professors that tell you your freshmen year that you need to pick a career NOW because you already screwed yourself only to say later it's okay if you still don't know what you want to do.
        Yes, I am STILL bitter about that.
11.  People who ride your bumper in the right lane when the left lane is wide open for them.
12. Those extremely nice people who never stop smiling.
13. People who won't tell me how they really feel.
        What I mean is that if I'm doing something that pisses you off, let me know.  Don't be all shy and scared about it.
14. People bitching about showing IDs (required by federal law) to buy Sudafed products.
15. People who assume all vegetarians are crazy.
16. People my age who act like teenage girls.  Get over yourselves.
17. The blantently obvious science errors shown in movies and tv shows. 
        Seriously?  Open a high school science book people.
18. The two corner pins (bowling reference)
19. Leaving a solid 8 pin (another bowling reference)
20. People who park their cars in a manner that block the sidewalk. 
21. Walmart.
22. People clearly in the way of others and still don't move.
         Get your ass out of the middle of the stairs people.  Next person who does that is getting shoved down the stairs and then laughed at.
23. People who give you an attitude for no reason.
24. People who don't say anything when you hold open the door for them (I know my mom agrees with this one).
25. Let's just shorten the list a bunch and say people in general.
26. Computers crashing.
27. Having to do new computer training modules for ::cough pharmacy I work at cough cough::
28. Damn PCI calls I have to do at work.
29. Lazy co-workers.  I guess that is included under #25 but oh well, my list, my rules.
30. Telemarketer calls.
        Holy crap.  Today I received 6 sales calls on my home phone while I was at work.  4 were from the same place.  And yes, I put my number on the DNC list.  Next time I'm answering the phone and saying "law office of Mazer and Johnson what is your claim number?"

I have to interrupt this list for a moment to inform everyone I was just asked to take a 5 minute survey and it consisted of questions about pooping outside.  Yes, my life is that random.  Okay, now back to the list

31. The fact that it takes 15 minutes (or less) to fill a prescription, which is less time than you normally have to wait for a pizza to be made by the way, and people still complain.
        Okay, clearly people in this country care more about the quality of their food than a properly filled medication.  Which that would actually explain a lot come to think of it.
32. Taxes (still have to do mine and I am going to owe a lot)
33. Milk
34. Ignorance

The 5 Second Girl Dance

A centipede has inspired this post.  But before I get into that, I would like to raise some awareness about animal abuse.  Feel there is nothing you can do to help?  You can help this victim through donations, or simply keep her in your thoughts.

Okay, now the post.  I've been really busy so I haven't been able to write.  I hope this one makes up for it.

A couple nights ago I was getting ready for bed and I turned towards the bedroom doorway and a spot on the wall right below the ceiling caught my eye.  Actually, it was more than a spot, it was a 2 inch centipede.  Just sitting there like it owned the world.  Now, centipedes are my second most hated bugs to find in my apartment for two reasons:
1. They are fast and know how to get away quick.
2. I swear they have a 6th sense where they know something is about to go down.

So, here is the art form that is killing a bug (or if you prefer, catching it and scooting it's butt outside).

Initial Reaction
First, you do what someone I know has coined the "5 second girl dance" which doesn't necessarily last five seconds, nor is it a dance.  It's that moment where you are thinking "Holy crap, there's a bug.  Where is something I can use to kill it?"  We all think it, don't lie to yourself and say you don't.

Time to Take Action
Now, centipedes are a special case.  Because you know in the back of your mind that while you are going to get a paper towel/toilet paper/tissue to use to kill it that by the time you get back it will be gone.  No other bug does this.  Just them and it annoys the crap out of me.  Luckily for me, my two cats are more than willing to keep an eye on an intruder while I get something to deal with it.  So, I placed Epa on watch (ie, I picked her up, snapped my fingers in the direction of where the centipede was, and then put her down when she started to meow at it).  I knew that I was covered.  Unfortunately, the little creep was also right above my doorway, so walking back in created the paranoia that the thing would fall at the exact second I was under it. It didn't and in fact it didn't move at all.  Hey, there are always centipede school drop outs that have failed to learn when to run.  Survival of the fittest.

The Actual Event
Okay, let's stop my story right there and further assess the whole centipede killing event.  If you are short like me and it's up high (like this one was) you will need to knock it down before you can kill it.  That's easy enough with a broom.  The next problem is finding it after you do this because like I said before, these things are fast.  I mean, we would be too if we had 20 legs (and probably wouldn't need cars as much for travel when you think about it).  So, you knock it down and by the occurrence of a miracle, see where it is.  You then go to squish it.  Two things can happen at this point: you either squish it as planned or you don't.  The thing either manages to dodge your attack or, you think it's squished but when you start walking to flush the thing down the toilet, you see that it has broken free of your tissue grip and is starting to crawl towards your hand causing you to throw the tissue away from you.  Either way, you now go into stealth mode and for the next 20 seconds, the sole purpose of you being alive is to find this thing and kill it.  You have to, because you know the thing is pissed now and will probably come after you in your sleep if you don't find it.

In my case, I managed to be lucky this time and kill it the first time (and it helps that Epa will smack it around a couple times first).

The End?
Okay, so you have now successfully killed it or at least flushed it down the toilet (and by the way I find it hilarious when you flush a bug alive and as it's going down it always will grip the toilet paper.  Evil I know but you know it entertains you too).  Now the real paranoia comes and you wonder was it really dead?  Or is it just waiting to climb back out of the toilet when you're not looking.  So you flush again and check under the seat to make sure it is really gone and not just hiding.

The Cat's Plan of Attack
Sascode and Epa each have their own way of killing bugs that they find.  Sascode goes in for the kill.  He will raise his paw....move it slightly back and forth a few times and then.....BAM!!!! that thing is dead.  Epa treats them like a new toy where she "gently" pushes them with her paw until they have died a slow, painful death.  At which point, the pushes become less gentle as she tries to get the thing to move again.  That's when I step in.


In other news, The Amazing Loan Race has officially begun this month.  More on that later.