I made an error while with a friend recently. The night ended with her being not too happy with me because of something I said. The whole thing was my fault and I'm not afraid to admit it even now on here. I apologized to her, she has forgiven me, and life is moving forward. But my mistake has inspired this post on a lesson that everyone should learn.
We are all human, we all make mistakes, we all need to own up to them.
I may be stubborn but the one thing I can do is admit when I'm wrong. I will also be the first to admit when I am wrong. This particular instance, I apologized the minute I got home by text (partly because I didn't know how pissed my friend was). Lesson number two:
Don't let things snowball.
So, my worst nightmare came true and I confirmed that yes, my friend was in fact angry over the whole situation. The conversation then turned to something pseudo-unrelated but still caused some heated comments which when I get fired up, I usually then go for the jugular (lesson three: don't do that!) which I kind of in a way did (sorry to lesson three for not following you).
But the point is, we all make mistakes. The hard part is owning up to them. Here are some things to remember when in this situation.
1. It is not a weakness to admit your mistake.
Quite the opposite actually. Yes, you may get in trouble for making a mistake at work but people will respect you more for admitting you are at fault.
2. The consequences may be worse if you don't own up.
I like the work example (partly because my mistake was not done at work). So, you make a mistake at work, let's say you don't send a report out before a deadline. You don't tell the higher ups. If they find out from any source other than you, the backlash is guaranteed to be worse than if you tell them yourself.
3. You did it, you own it.
By nature, we try to blame anything but ourselves. You're late to work because of traffic. The truth of the matter is, the only one at fault is you. You waited to leave your house at the last possible second. Now, in certain situations, yes there are things beyond your control that cause event B to happen (or in my career field: things that are strongly associated with event B). and then yes, you can say that. But if you know it's because of something you did, don't make excuses.
4. A mistake is a mistake that is a mistake.
Don't try to tell yourself anything different. You know it is, don't try to feign ignorance.
5. Don't let it get out of hand.
If you made a mistake, don't make it worse. Let's say you lied to someone about something. That will almost always lead to you having to make up another bigger lie to cover that one up. Put a stop to it right then and there. If you and a significant other get in an argument, keep your mouth shut because the angrier you both get, the bigger the argument will become.
6. Apologize
This should probably be number 1. Always apologize for what you did. It will make everyone involved at least know you care about the error you made. And be sincere because fake apologies are see-through.
7. Don't apologize excessively.
This is something that I do. I know it can also get very annoying because I have also been on the other end of an excessive apologizer. Apologize once and let it sit. If another apology is necessary after some time, then you can say sorry again.
8. Fix it.
If the mistake is something that needs to be fixed, offer to do it.
9. Learn from it.
It's a life lesson. Now that you know you did something wrong, you know how it feels, what it's effects are; avoid making the same mistake again. And if you do: start back at number 1.
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Why I Willingly Moved Across The Country Unnecessarily - Part 2
To review my last post: I decided to move across the country for grad school instead of going to the one within commuting distance from my parent's home (and for some good reasons).
That was for day 1. The next day this happened:
"Actually, to continue with my last note, I did find out from the admissions director at ::name of school:: that there was a miscommunication on their end where the professor/ head of the::name of department:: decided that my application was strong enough that she didn't need to interview me and that notice did not reach him to contact me. Another thanks to::name of professor:: since he was one of my recommenders. The admissions director left me a message saying that I was accepted but he still would like for me to talk to someone about the program."
So out of the 8 schools, I was down to 6 (remember, the Pittsburgh Penguins didn't want to add to their fan base). Most were, while still a distance away, were closer to home than the school I finally decided on. Why did I decide to attend the school that was the farthest away?
The first school I decided to decline their offer was also the first one to accept me (though I didn't decline until after I received other offers). The story of this one was kind of interesting. Once again, I documented this story on facebook when it happened. **Note, all specifics have been removed along with a random rant about something that was work related**
"Today I was supposed to have a phone interview at noon with a school. They are in ::later time zone:: so the admissions director said it would be at 11 ::their time:: time, or noon ::my time:: and the person who was supposed to interview me was a professor in the ::name of department::. So, I skipped genetics class so I was guaranteed not to have a freak accident on my way home from class and miss the phone call because Murphy's law sucks. Noon comes around, no phone call. I'm thinking "okay maybe the professor was confused about the time zones and thought it was supposed to be at noon their time, or, one my time." No problem. One comes, still no phone call. So, now I'm just slightly irritated that I could have spent the two hours I used preparing and waiting for the damn call to study for my test. So at 1:30 I called the guy who set up the date and time of the interview, got his answering machine of course, and left a message. I was polite in it saying that I did not get my phone call at 11 ::their time:: so could he please call me back. Now, I'm waiting for him to call back which probably won't be until tomorrow."
That was for day 1. The next day this happened:
"Actually, to continue with my last note, I did find out from the admissions director at ::name of school:: that there was a miscommunication on their end where the professor/ head of the::name of department:: decided that my application was strong enough that she didn't need to interview me and that notice did not reach him to contact me. Another thanks to::name of professor:: since he was one of my recommenders. The admissions director left me a message saying that I was accepted but he still would like for me to talk to someone about the program."
After that, I started having flashbacks of backyard school and decided that I don't want to risk dealing with something like that again. So I was down to 5 schools. One school offered me a scholarship. However, it wasn't a full ride and the tuition was high. Add to that the cost of living in the city being a little high, I decided to decline my offer to that one. So down to four schools.
Nothing really stuck out about the other schools that made me want to or not want to accept their offer. So here is where I chose the school I went to over the other 3.
1. The area I wanted to focus on was pretty big there (of course, I ended up changing my concentration).
2. The internship opportunities were the best (and I was able to take advantage of them while in school too)
3. I actually knew someone down here before I moved.
4. They were the highest ranked.
5. Tuition was high but cost of living was cheaper compared to other areas.
6. Location (my current city is one of the biggest areas in my field).
After going to a prospective student visiting event, I was sold.
Nothing really stuck out about the other schools that made me want to or not want to accept their offer. So here is where I chose the school I went to over the other 3.
1. The area I wanted to focus on was pretty big there (of course, I ended up changing my concentration).
2. The internship opportunities were the best (and I was able to take advantage of them while in school too)
3. I actually knew someone down here before I moved.
4. They were the highest ranked.
5. Tuition was high but cost of living was cheaper compared to other areas.
6. Location (my current city is one of the biggest areas in my field).
After going to a prospective student visiting event, I was sold.
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Why I Willingly Moved Across The Country Unnecessarily
I decided to explain some more of my apparently semi-controversial decisions (see refusing to marry and spending holidays solo for my other decisions). Seriously the number of views for those two posts skyrocketed. This time, I will explain the choice to move across the country for grad school when I was accepted to one in my backyard (or actually about a 20 minute drive from my parent's house where I was living at the time). This has to be a two part post so here will be the reasons I didn't go to the one in my backyard. Next time I will explain why I chose the one I actually went to over all the others I was accepted to.
I think I applied to 8 grad schools all together and was accepted into 7 of them (I didn't want to become a Pittsburgh Penguins fan anyways so take that!). The school that I was accepted to was I think ranked 6th or 7th in the country at the time which was also the highest ranked school for my program I had applied to. For comparison, the solo school that rejected me was 8th (again take that!) and the one in my backyard wasn't even on the rankings because they weren't accredited at the time. Long explanation on how that works suffice it to say that I would've had an even harder time finding a job than I already do had they not become accredited before I graduated (they are accredited now).
So, why did I not go to the school back home? Here is the short list:
1. They were not accredited.
2. They gave me a headache.
3. I had a bad experience there taking a couple classes.
4. Their ranking sucked.
5. My particular interest was not a focus there.
Here is the long list:
1. They were not accredited.
The lack of accreditation had something to do with it (mind you it was just that particular part of the school that wasn't, the rest of the grad, med, dental, and undergrad colleges were). When I read the accreditation website about what that meant, it said that a lot of government agencies will skip over your job application if you didn't graduate from an accredited school. Considering the government probably accounts for about 50% of jobs in my field.....that was not a risk I was willing to take.
2. They gave me a headache.
Another reason is that they gave me a headache. Out of all the schools I called to make sure I was putting the right GRE codes in for and making sure all my materials were received, I had to spend the most time and energy calling backyard school. Part of it the reason they explained, was because they received a lot of applications this year and were about 3 weeks behind on updating everything online. Mind you, my application materials at this point had been sent to them 6 weeks before by the time I called and it was another 2 weeks before it reflected that fact online. For comparison, when I called another school to confirm, my profile online was updated as having received everything the next day after the call. I know this doesn't seem like a big deal but when you're applying to grad schools and spending upwards of $500 total to apply, plus the stress, it really does matter that everything is updated as them receiving everything a couple weeks after you send them everything.
3. I had a bad experience there taking a few classes.
I think the best way to describe this is to copy something I wrote on facebook while taking a couple classes there (and yes grad school friends, I really did refer to the office as SAS back then, little did I know right?). One thing to mention is I only took a few classes there one semester after graduating from my undergrad institute. **Note: specific names have been removed**.
"To continue on with my rant from my last note, only this time about the school (or at least parts of it). The other week I had a checkstop placed on my account. Aka: I can't register for classes, which jokes on them because I was in the first group of students that could since I transferred about 140 credit hours (and that wasn't even all my hours). This one was saying that I needed to see my advisor from student advising services (SAS). So I made an appointment which was Wednesday. I even had an e-mail reminder from them sent.
Wednesday comes and I drive to the campus. I walk in to SAS and found out from another woman that my advisor wasn't in today. She was baffled that my appointment wasn't cancelled but said she would advise me since I was there and she probably felt bad for me. Long story short, I found out that my advisor must have mixed me up with the incoming freshmen because they are the only ones required to be advised. The checkstop was removed from my account prior to that day ::rolls eyes::.
That would have all been fine and dandy except for the fact that today, I get an e-mail from SAS saying that I missed my appointment at date and time (wednesday at 12:30) and to please reschedule. There is no checkstop on my account (yet that is, they tend to appear on my account Sunday nights go figure that one out). I'm thinking "okay, first of all he wasn't even in that day so why did i get scheduled by SAS to come in that day". What the hell am I supposed to do? Make him appear out of thin air? Sorry, missed that lecture in ::former professor's name:: physics class. I really don't care. Because if I have any control over things, I won't be there next semester. Hopefully, I'll have a job by then. I'll inject myself with that ebola I didn't use a couple years ago to avoid genetics at ::my undergrad institute::. I even asked the lady that I saw Wednesday and she gave me the withdrawl from ::backyard school:: form."
4. Their ranking sucked.
Like I said before, they weren't even on the rankings because they weren't accredited. Now they are and are either tied for last or are second last, I don't remember.
5. My particular interest was not a focus there.
They offered a general degree with the option for a concentration in my field. Where I ended up going had the degree in my field where I could focus on particular areas within the field. Because I'm not giving my degree specifics away let's say my degree is art history (it's not but I'm using it for an example). So, backyard school would have offered a general MFA degree with the optional concentration in art history. The school I went to offers and MFA in art history with a concentration in Egyptian Art (because mummies are cool and that's what I would've focused in had I been an art history major). Okay, that was kind of a crappy example but you get the point.
Next time I will explain why I chose my school over the other five I was accepted to (not including backyard school).
I think I applied to 8 grad schools all together and was accepted into 7 of them (I didn't want to become a Pittsburgh Penguins fan anyways so take that!). The school that I was accepted to was I think ranked 6th or 7th in the country at the time which was also the highest ranked school for my program I had applied to. For comparison, the solo school that rejected me was 8th (again take that!) and the one in my backyard wasn't even on the rankings because they weren't accredited at the time. Long explanation on how that works suffice it to say that I would've had an even harder time finding a job than I already do had they not become accredited before I graduated (they are accredited now).
So, why did I not go to the school back home? Here is the short list:
1. They were not accredited.
2. They gave me a headache.
3. I had a bad experience there taking a couple classes.
4. Their ranking sucked.
5. My particular interest was not a focus there.
Here is the long list:
1. They were not accredited.
The lack of accreditation had something to do with it (mind you it was just that particular part of the school that wasn't, the rest of the grad, med, dental, and undergrad colleges were). When I read the accreditation website about what that meant, it said that a lot of government agencies will skip over your job application if you didn't graduate from an accredited school. Considering the government probably accounts for about 50% of jobs in my field.....that was not a risk I was willing to take.
2. They gave me a headache.
Another reason is that they gave me a headache. Out of all the schools I called to make sure I was putting the right GRE codes in for and making sure all my materials were received, I had to spend the most time and energy calling backyard school. Part of it the reason they explained, was because they received a lot of applications this year and were about 3 weeks behind on updating everything online. Mind you, my application materials at this point had been sent to them 6 weeks before by the time I called and it was another 2 weeks before it reflected that fact online. For comparison, when I called another school to confirm, my profile online was updated as having received everything the next day after the call. I know this doesn't seem like a big deal but when you're applying to grad schools and spending upwards of $500 total to apply, plus the stress, it really does matter that everything is updated as them receiving everything a couple weeks after you send them everything.
3. I had a bad experience there taking a few classes.
I think the best way to describe this is to copy something I wrote on facebook while taking a couple classes there (and yes grad school friends, I really did refer to the office as SAS back then, little did I know right?). One thing to mention is I only took a few classes there one semester after graduating from my undergrad institute. **Note: specific names have been removed**.
"To continue on with my rant from my last note, only this time about the school (or at least parts of it). The other week I had a checkstop placed on my account. Aka: I can't register for classes, which jokes on them because I was in the first group of students that could since I transferred about 140 credit hours (and that wasn't even all my hours). This one was saying that I needed to see my advisor from student advising services (SAS). So I made an appointment which was Wednesday. I even had an e-mail reminder from them sent.
Wednesday comes and I drive to the campus. I walk in to SAS and found out from another woman that my advisor wasn't in today. She was baffled that my appointment wasn't cancelled but said she would advise me since I was there and she probably felt bad for me. Long story short, I found out that my advisor must have mixed me up with the incoming freshmen because they are the only ones required to be advised. The checkstop was removed from my account prior to that day ::rolls eyes::.
That would have all been fine and dandy except for the fact that today, I get an e-mail from SAS saying that I missed my appointment at date and time (wednesday at 12:30) and to please reschedule. There is no checkstop on my account (yet that is, they tend to appear on my account Sunday nights go figure that one out). I'm thinking "okay, first of all he wasn't even in that day so why did i get scheduled by SAS to come in that day". What the hell am I supposed to do? Make him appear out of thin air? Sorry, missed that lecture in ::former professor's name:: physics class. I really don't care. Because if I have any control over things, I won't be there next semester. Hopefully, I'll have a job by then. I'll inject myself with that ebola I didn't use a couple years ago to avoid genetics at ::my undergrad institute::. I even asked the lady that I saw Wednesday and she gave me the withdrawl from ::backyard school:: form."
4. Their ranking sucked.
Like I said before, they weren't even on the rankings because they weren't accredited. Now they are and are either tied for last or are second last, I don't remember.
5. My particular interest was not a focus there.
They offered a general degree with the option for a concentration in my field. Where I ended up going had the degree in my field where I could focus on particular areas within the field. Because I'm not giving my degree specifics away let's say my degree is art history (it's not but I'm using it for an example). So, backyard school would have offered a general MFA degree with the optional concentration in art history. The school I went to offers and MFA in art history with a concentration in Egyptian Art (because mummies are cool and that's what I would've focused in had I been an art history major). Okay, that was kind of a crappy example but you get the point.
Next time I will explain why I chose my school over the other five I was accepted to (not including backyard school).
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
Why I Don't Regret Spending Holidays Alone
Fun fact: I spent last Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's, my birthday, and 4th of July alone. Actually, I think I may have worked part of the day on a couple of them but actually celebrating the holidays, I was alone. So, why did I do this? Well, let's start with the reasons people have already guessed on why I kept my own company.
Reasons people think I spent the holidays alone:
1. I'm anti-social
Not true. Just ask anyone I volunteer with.
2. I don't like my family.
Also not true, I like my family. Well, most of them anyways.
3. Traveling costs.
This one slightly true, but if I wanted to fly home, it wouldn't have been too difficult to do.
4. Work
This one is true. I did/was working a lot at the time.
The Truth
So, what did I do during these times instead of going home?
For those who don't know me, I'm pretty simple and don't need a lot to celebrate things. Thanksgiving involved green bean casserole and homemade cheesecake. Christmas involved watching my cats go crazy with all their new toys and eating green bean casserole. New Year's probably would've involved green bean casserole Christmas leftovers if I hadn't eaten it all in two days. My birthday involved homemade stuffed shells and sleeping in to about noon. The 4th of July consisted of...nothing actually because I was too lazy to make green bean casserole. I did talk to my family on some of these days and Christmas Eve even included a Skype conversation.
As the title of this post says, I don't regret spending the holidays alone. But if you're not like me (and maybe a little like me too) then here are some advantages to having some alone time.
Holiday alone time advantages
1. You can avoid the annoyances
Unless you're that relative, there is usually something about family holiday time that you don't like. Whether it be your grandmother's incessant nagging for great-grandkids, being nice to certain relatives, having to do all the hugging, whatever the thing may be. But, when you're alone, you don't have to worry about any of these things. Unless of course your grandmother calls you to ask if you found someone yet...but that's where caller ID comes in handy.
2. You can do what you want to do
Want to only eat pizza on Thanksgiving and watch the game? Who's stopping you now?
3. You can catch up on things
For most people, their work is closed on major holidays. That means that you can catch up on that book you're reading, finish that monster cleaning project, finish your thesis (okay, I didn't really work on mine during the holidays), or anything else that you've been putting off due to lack of time.
4. You can give back
You can volunteer on the holidays. Call the local soup kitchen to see if they need extra hands or spreading holiday cheer at the hospital. This one is mainly for those who didn't want to spend the holidays alone in the first place to get your mind off of it.
5. Start a new hobby
You have the day to start
6. Call/write to family
Just because you are not physically with your family doesn't mean you can't still communicate with them. You'll also seem anti-social if you don't talk to them.
7. Relax
Lounge around in your pajamas all day. Have a dvd/movie marathon. Eat junk food. Do things that you wish you could do everyday.
8. Realize what you're avoiding
Spending the holidays alone means you don't have to do a massive cleaning of your place before people come over. Or watch your parents stress doing it.
If you have any advice you would like to share about spending the holidays alone or what you like to do, feel free to comment below.
Reasons people think I spent the holidays alone:
1. I'm anti-social
Not true. Just ask anyone I volunteer with.
2. I don't like my family.
Also not true, I like my family. Well, most of them anyways.
3. Traveling costs.
This one slightly true, but if I wanted to fly home, it wouldn't have been too difficult to do.
4. Work
This one is true. I did/was working a lot at the time.
The Truth
So, what did I do during these times instead of going home?
For those who don't know me, I'm pretty simple and don't need a lot to celebrate things. Thanksgiving involved green bean casserole and homemade cheesecake. Christmas involved watching my cats go crazy with all their new toys and eating green bean casserole. New Year's probably would've involved green bean casserole Christmas leftovers if I hadn't eaten it all in two days. My birthday involved homemade stuffed shells and sleeping in to about noon. The 4th of July consisted of...nothing actually because I was too lazy to make green bean casserole. I did talk to my family on some of these days and Christmas Eve even included a Skype conversation.
As the title of this post says, I don't regret spending the holidays alone. But if you're not like me (and maybe a little like me too) then here are some advantages to having some alone time.
Holiday alone time advantages
1. You can avoid the annoyances
Unless you're that relative, there is usually something about family holiday time that you don't like. Whether it be your grandmother's incessant nagging for great-grandkids, being nice to certain relatives, having to do all the hugging, whatever the thing may be. But, when you're alone, you don't have to worry about any of these things. Unless of course your grandmother calls you to ask if you found someone yet...but that's where caller ID comes in handy.
2. You can do what you want to do
Want to only eat pizza on Thanksgiving and watch the game? Who's stopping you now?
3. You can catch up on things
For most people, their work is closed on major holidays. That means that you can catch up on that book you're reading, finish that monster cleaning project, finish your thesis (okay, I didn't really work on mine during the holidays), or anything else that you've been putting off due to lack of time.
4. You can give back
You can volunteer on the holidays. Call the local soup kitchen to see if they need extra hands or spreading holiday cheer at the hospital. This one is mainly for those who didn't want to spend the holidays alone in the first place to get your mind off of it.
5. Start a new hobby
You have the day to start
6. Call/write to family
Just because you are not physically with your family doesn't mean you can't still communicate with them. You'll also seem anti-social if you don't talk to them.
7. Relax
Lounge around in your pajamas all day. Have a dvd/movie marathon. Eat junk food. Do things that you wish you could do everyday.
8. Realize what you're avoiding
Spending the holidays alone means you don't have to do a massive cleaning of your place before people come over. Or watch your parents stress doing it.
If you have any advice you would like to share about spending the holidays alone or what you like to do, feel free to comment below.
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