The Art of Describing Ourselves

I want you to imagine that I just approached you.  We say hello and then I ask you a question: Tell me more about you.  Before reading another sentence here, think about exactly what you would say to me.

I hope you actually did the exercise above because it proves a point.  What did you say to me?  I bet it depends on your relation to me.  If you don't know me, you probably gave me some generic description of who you are, where your from, a little about your family and something you like to do in your spare time.  If you know me as an acquaintance, you probably went into a little more detail than that and skipped the general things since I already know that.  If you are my boss or professor, you probably skipped the basics of your profession and told me a little about your personal life.  If you are a close friend or a relative, you probably skipped doing the exercise all together knowing you would've rolled your eyes had I really done this.

But imagine this: what if I was a complete stranger (if you do actually know me)?  Or a potential employer?  Or the person you're on a date with?  I bet your explanation would've changed dramatically.

When you think about it, we describe ourselves in different ways depending on who we are talking to. We like to be seen in different lights depending on the situation.  For example, if I were describing myself to a potential date, I would briefly mention my educational/work background and focus more on what I like to do for fun that the other person would (hopefully) be interested in as well.  During job interviews, I focus on describing my educational/work background as well as the skills I have picked up in the process that would benefit the potential employer.  

The point is that getting asked to answer the one thing we have the most knowledge about, ourselves, is not as simple as it sounds.  And it gets more and more complicated the older we get.  If I was to ask my cousin's son to describe himself, he would probably say something along the lines of "My name is Noah, I am two years old, and I like lawnmowers."  His answer would be the same for everyone, regardless of whether he knows them or not or how old they are.  If I were to ask my cousin's 10 year old daughter, she would probably go into more detail about what grade she's in, that she bowls, who her friends are, what book she's reading, a little about her pets......etc.  Her answer might change depending on who the other person is, how old they are, and if she knows them.  But she probably wouldn't have a problem telling people about herself.

 As adults, there are many of us that have tripped up and sweated over answering this question.  Why is it so hard to explain something that we have known about for literally, our entire lives? Because the fact is, we know we have to put ourselves in the best light possible and explain those particular traits about us that are relevant for the situation.  I know potential employers don't care about my two cats as much as they do about what professional skills I have whereas my date this weekend will probably ask about them.  Family members who haven't seen me in a couple years will probably care more about what has happened since the last time I saw them and what everyone else in my family has been up too but not ask about what I like to do for fun since, most already know that answer or we only see each other at family functions so it becomes, essentially, irrelevant.  Professors will want to know what I'm doing with my life and how their instruction has helped me to become the success that I am now.

Now to turn the tables a little bit: what about how people describe you?  Once again, it depends on their relation to you.  Some of my friends might say I'm always entertaining to be around.  My parents probably brag about how smart I am.  A couple of my exes probably refer to me as a bitch.  My employers will probably say I know how to do my job and that I often come in to work extra when help is needed.  We are once again, shown in different lights depending on how the person knows us since we appear different to friends than we do to colleagues.

So, the next time you ask someone to describe themselves, remember that you are only going to be getting a tiny amount of information compared to who they really are.  Eventually, as time goes by, we learn more about every person in our life compared to the first day we met them.